After several centuries in the shop, The Vatican’s 1402 model Defrocking Carriage is out of the shop. It was sighted near St. Pete Square today, repeatedly backing over the hierarchal remains of Cardinal Theodore McCarrick.
McCarrick was badly disfigured, but tentatively identified based on the hopelessly soiled red vestments, complete with Pope Francis’ fingerprints and bootprint on the back. There were suggestive photos of the former Cardinal wearing a brilliant red speedo with the lettering “Let me be your Teddy Bare.” And a one-way Spirit Airlines ticket to Perdition was also found.
Any lingering doubt as to the identity of the deceased was erased when phone numbers for lawyers representing Bill Cosby and Jerry Sandusky were found on a note containing only the inscription John 11:35.